Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
