well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sext me about skeletons
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
