i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Drake has all the answers
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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