He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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