let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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