Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
