It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
