I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
