nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
