The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
