So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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