i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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