I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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