it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
