the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
