and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
