Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
