So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
