So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
