I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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