He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
