So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
