Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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