just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she peed on how many people?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
