We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
