Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
