I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
