He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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