yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
