Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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