This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
