I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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