I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
