I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
