I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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