either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
