Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
