gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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