i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
