and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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