I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
