your parents love me but you hate me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
