I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so that wasnt chicken after all
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
