She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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