May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
