Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i've created a new STD.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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