nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
