Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
