I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
