she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We don't watch enough power rangers
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
