bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
