Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
