new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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