Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
