Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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