Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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