Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
