are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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