The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
