my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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