checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
