I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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