everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
