she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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