so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if i can run in heels then i can drive
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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